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Life Would Be Easier As a Man

11.12.2013
 
Have you ever noticed how easy men have it? I didn't until I was married. Not until I was obligated to be in contact with one 24/7 did I start to see how simple their lives can be. Or maybe I just started to realize how complicated my life was in comparison to Jon's.

1| It takes them all of 13 minutes to shower, shave, dress and brush their teeth. While I had to wake up earlier, start before he did, and I am still trying to "do" my hair and find jewelry that matches after he has finished. It's even more stressful to do this while he yells a countdown for me from across the house "WE HAVE TO LEAVE IN 10 MINUTES!" "MAEG, 5 MINUTES AND WE'RE GONE!" "WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE GONE 10 MINUTES AGO!" Caps lock was necessary to give the real effect.

2| They pee standing up. They don't even have to drop their drawers. Me? Well I have to first find a stall that's not overflowing because it hasn't been able to flush for the last 5 days, yet that doesn't stop some people from using it obviously. Oh and once I find the "cleanest" stall, the door probably doesn't lock so I continue on my journey. Lug my 15lb purse into the stall and pray they have a hook strong enough to hold it. Remember to take my phone out of my back pocket or I'll lose it to the toilet again. Pull down my drawers and then pray that my squats are building up enough leg muscle to hold me over that disease infested bowl of disgustingness.

3| Deciding what to wear. I takes Jon just a matter of seconds to pick out an outfit and get dressed. And nine times out of ten he asks me and I pick it out for him. It takes me a matter of seconds to stand in my closet, lose concentration and revert to yoga pants and a sweatshirt because the decisions are too hard. Should I wear a dress today? If I do, are my tights clean? Scratch that I'll wear jeans and a cute top. But what jeans? Skinnies, flared? Should I wear boots because that would help me decide what jeans to wear? I'm exhausted typing that.

4| Grooming. I was going to write about this, but the hubs said no. He saw it getting inappropriate quickly. Whatevs! You ladies know we have more to shave and that's all I'll say.

5| Losing weight. When we got married Jon and I were all like, "Let's start running and working out together!" It quickly came to an end when we would come back from a run and he would lose 2lbs while somehow I gained a pound. We could workout for a week, eat the exact same food and portions and he would shed weight like he lived in a sauna while I somehow hoarded it on the back of my thighs. I don't even want to know the scientific facts about it. It's just not fair.
12 comments on "Life Would Be Easier As a Man"
  1. Totally agree with EVERYTHING! I even start early and he still beats me and is in the car with the engine cranked and I am running around like a crazy woman trying to hurry. I have to remember to take my phone out of my back pocket too and then have to not forget it on the tp holder box ha!

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  2. I am glad that I am not the only one dealing with the "Countdown Husband!" It is so frustrating when you're trying to not to burn your ear with the flat iron and he is outside honking the horn!

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  3. Maeg- I totally agree. It simply is just not right. I hate the anxiety rushing to get ready makes me feel when I'm having an "off" day and just can't find something to wear or my hair is a fluffy mess. Honestly, I think we put the pressure on ourselves, but it really is a difficult feat to be a lady!

    Love this post!

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  4. Haha this is all so true. It's not even funny how fast they can get ready in the morning. My husband also washes his face once a day with either a Dove bar of soap or Neutrogena and somehow has better skin than I do.. and I actually take care of mine! Drives me crazy!

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  5. couldn't agree more!! the struggle is real. love this post!

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  6. haha love this!! SO TRUE! Well except for the getting ready part for my husband....he takes forever & is so picky!

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  7. But seriously. Men have it SO easy.

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  8. this made me smile...and SIGH! ohhhh bother!
    love this!!!
    xx

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  9. So I just love all of this! Men have it waaay easier than us girls.

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  10. ha ha this is the best. Just found your blog! it is the cutest.

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  11. They really do have it way to easy!! What a great post! Just found your blog and I'm already a fan! :)

    Life is Peaches

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