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Confession Booth. Bare All Edition.

12.20.2013
Every once in awhile there is a post theme that circulates around blogland and I just have to jump on the go train. This is one of them. I'm sure a majority of you read Erin's post over at Living In Yellow yesterday or Kym's post at Travel Babbles. And if you haven't, you should. Like now. Well, preferably after you read mine. Both of their posts hit so close to home for me. We spend so much time sharing our lives on our little spaces on the internet. Babies, husbands, new ventures, vacations. And yet are we ever really real? Like a "bare all" situation? I think it's extremely nerve wrecking to think of sharing my vulnerabilities, but who better to share them with than an amazing group of supportive women? I have made such incredible friendships in this blogging community. I consider so many of you close friends. Technically we are strangers, but that doesn't take away from the fact that we lift each other up on a daily basis and know each other better than our husbands do! Kidding.

So with that said, I am going to jump on this train and bare all except for my butt.

+ I struggle with comparing myself to other bloggers. I put myself down so quickly at another bloggers accomplishment. Evil thoughts like, "Why am I not good enough?" ring through my head. I have to fight to remember why I blog and the joy it brings me. That my good is good enough in His eyes. That's all that matters.

+ Children. I want them. Yet I seem to get stuck in the popular statement saying yeah I'm not ready for kids. Oh life is so much simpler without them right now. But the truth is, Jon and I have been trying since April. And my heart is shattered when I think, "what if it never happens for me?"

+ Sometimes I feel guilty and worthless for being a stay at home wife. Yes I work from home for our business, my blog and other business ventures. But I so easily let society tell me that isn't good enough. When in reality, it's everything God set out for me to be. And I love it!

+ I am so hard on myself to be a do-it-all woman. I want to be a business owner, a fabulous wife, have a perfect looking home, make amazing meals, look the part. I struggle to meet the bar I've set for myself. It's a vicious cycle I will never win.

+Ever since I got breast implants, my self confidence has boosted incredibly. Some people say this makes me an insecure person. In all truth, I am a very confident person in my own skin, I just felt like less of a woman without a chest. I think we all have confidence issues and I realize being vocal about mine leaves room for others to judge, but that's okay. I know I'm not alone. 

+I think the first year of mine and Jon's marriage was the easiest. Quite honestly, I think it's been easy the whole time. Sometimes I think I need to prepare myself for the worst to happen, but the truth is Jon and I are on the same page. We see marriage from a biblical standpoint and nothing can ever come between that. We don't always see eye to eye and we have our share of quirks, but nothing that isn't easy to overcome.

+ I'm going to be going off on a new business adventure in the near future and I'm scared of failing. I haven't shared it with you all yet. I don't want to until I have my head on straight and the details worked out. I know this blogging community will support me, but I'm terrified I will fail and be a joke.

+ I look up to Jon and admire the person he is. Going along with the reason I just listed previously, Jon has always followed his passions and his dreams without fear of falling. I wish I could have one ounce of his gumption.

+ I'm not sure if my biological dad is a believer and it scares the heck out of me.

+ Sometimes when I look at other peoples Instagram accounts or blogs, I am jealous of how perfect and beautiful their lives seem to be. I find myself lusting over what they have instead of remembering how blessed I am.

And there you have it. I feel like this post should have been titled "Naked & Afraid" with all those intimate details of my life.
19 comments on "Confession Booth. Bare All Edition."
  1. Instagram pictures only look good because we show the things we want to be seen. I took a picture of my "Christmas decorations". If I turned my camera around to anywhere else in the living room? Complete mess and totally non-instagram worthy. I love these posts. Well done.

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  2. You are such a wonderful person! Girl, I agree with most of these! Obviously I'm not married and not trying to have kids, but I relate a lot to what you say.
    God's plan for you is valuable, but OF COURSE society probably doesn't see it that way (which sucks). But you are enough in His eyes! I need to remind myself of that too. love you!

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  3. I love that you took the time to write such a sincere and honest post. You're definitely not the only one out there with these insecurities. But God has a plan for us all. And Instagram is definitely only the good/funny stuff. No one puts up of their dirty messes (well usually).

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  5. Girl, I heart you. For reals. I love your openness, authenticity, and bravery. I love your honesty and truth. When comparison is the thief of joy...it is so fulfilling to put ourselves out there and say, yeah, I can be guilty of that. But God! He has compassion on us! He knows our hearts, our fears and our flaws, our goodness and our not-so-goodness. Let this be a reminder that the only constant joy and peace we can receive comes from Him!!!

    I love you! I love who you are!! And I could go off on my soapbox hardcore about so many of these that hit home! Especially the stay at home wife! Anyway...just wanted to encourage you for this post. It's important to me too that we don't look like bloggers with perfect lives and no blunders. You are amazing, lady! So thankful we've connected! xx

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  6. Major props for putting yourself out there! It's hard to be open, vulnerable, and exposed, but there I something super special about sharing your heart. I relate so hard to so much of this! I constantly struggle with comparing myself to other bloggers and everyone on Instagram. I know people only show the best parts of their life on there, but that's hard to remember sometimes. Thank you for sharing the hidde. Parts of yourself!

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  7. People have no right to judge about your choice to have breast implants. I know exactly what you mean by saying you felt like less of a woman - that's one of the main reasons I got mine done too. Most people I told were supportive, but others immediately said "Oh, I wouldn't ever do that." But it was your choice, not theirs! And your newly found confidence is all that matters!

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  8. I give you major props on this post. Please know that you are not alone in these. The world is cruel, no matter what you do in life there will always be people who don't agree with it, but that's ok! You do what makes YOU happy and what is best for you and your husband :)

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  9. I applaud all of you who are writing posts like this. In today's society it's so hard to be "real" when so many are just presenting that perfect life, and it makes you a much more relatable blogger that you do just put it out there.
    There will be always something to be judged for, but as long as you are true to YOU, it should never matter. It seems like you have your head on straight as a person, and at the end of the day, how you view your life is what matters most :)

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  10. Thank you for sharing! And know that you aren't alone with so much of this! Well we aren't trying for kids yet, I constantly think what if it never happens for us, I have always struggled with insecurities mostly stemming from comparing my life to others and often question my role as I only work a few hours a week and am mostly a stay at home wife. Unfortunately I don't have any good advice or solutions or answers to any of these things but just know that others are right there with you! Thank you again for putting yourself out there! Ps. your package is on its way! :)

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  11. I love these honest posts!! Really, we all have fears and insecurities about things, but not all of us can put them out there. I'm actually jealous that you get to be a stay-at-home wife. I make more money than my husband, so I'm sad to know that when we have kids, I probably won't get to stay home with them.

    And I agree with you-- I haven't found our first two years of marriage to be all that difficult, despite what everyone says. It's an adjustment to be sure going from living alone to living with another (very different) person. But marriage itself has been easy. But that makes me a little nervous that hard times might be coming... haha. Thanks so much for sharing your heart!

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  12. My mom was a stay at home mom and it was so nice to have her home with us all the time. Keeping a house up is a job! It is so easy for us to look at other people and think they have it all or their life is so much more exciting than you own. But I have to remember that everything is always not as it seems. I admit I am guilty of doing that too but I think wow I have an amazing husband that loves me, a beautiful home, health and good jobs and wonderful families that love us. Don't ever let anyone bring you down or crush your dreams! Trust in God and just so you know, I think you are wonderful and I love your love for your family and the Lord!!

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  13. great post. i think we all compare ourselves. and you should feel confident about your job- Im so jealous of that!!! same goes for breast implants!

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  14. I love this post--love your honesty and that you are not afraid to be who you are! don't feel guilty for being who God created you to be and for living out your gifts and talents! excited to hear about the new adventure you are going on! don't let the haters get you down pretty friend--you've got so much to be happy about :)

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  15. You're not alone in the majority of these, my sweet Maeg!
    I love this blog world (more than I ever thought I would) but I also find myself sometimes stuck feeling not good enough in it too (which is something I never thought I would). Very, very, strange!
    You're doing a great job, and if it makes you feel any better, I've even compared myself to you! We're both newbie blogs and sometimes I've felt like I'm dragging behind yours and others who started around us. But whenever I get those annoying little thoughts I immediately try to snap myself out of it! Hope that brought a little smile to your face! :)
    Loved your honesty in this, by the way!

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  16. This post is beautiful and YOU are beautiful!! And if I'm being honest right along side you, there is a little bit of me in each one of the items you listed. You are not alone! Thank you for being vulnerable and open with us! No doubt in my mind that we'd be close friends if we lived near each other :)

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  17. I'm also a stay-at-home wife at the moment--and I absolutely love it! My husband's job has an unusual schedule, and when I've had a normal 5 day a week schedule...we're nearly never both free at the same time. Plus it gives me the flexibility to pursue freelance writing (which is my dream job) and be available to help out my family and friends when it comes to babysitting at odd hours, etc, and I so love the freedom of not being tied to a work schedule! Plus--my husband loves it too, and enjoys having me home. Yet...every time my Grandpa sees me he suggests that I get a job. He told me that it was about time I become a useful member of society...which apparently I'm not because I don't work at a 9 to 5. It's sad when even people you love say ridiculous things to you. So I can definitely understand being in that kind of situation!

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  18. I can relate so much to all of these! The insecurity that comes from small breasts.. that nobody IRL seems to understand, the fear of not having children, failure, comparing myself to other bloggers (people in general!!). We only "met" a short time ago but you are such a beautiful person - inside and out! Thank you for sharing all of these, Maeg!

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  19. Oh, I love this. I love your raw honesty. Thank you for being vulnerable & open to share all this!! Makes me love you even more!! I'm a worry wart, & I hate it. Like you, I wish I could just go after & do everything without even the first thought of failing! I'm very independent but have had some insecure issues about myself lately. It makes me feel less of a woman/person - I hate feeling that way!! Love that your & Jon are on the same page about God/your marriage. Don't ever stray away from that! We all know how that devil is!! I'm the same way about kids. I want them but not right now! Deep down I do have this fear that I won't be able to have any, & it scares me to death. Not sure why I even think that. Maybe it's because I have seen some close friends struggle with having their own children that they wanted oh so badly.

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